


Hey, what's up? (It's been a while)

by definitelynotafan



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-05-26 08:52:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6232291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/definitelynotafan/pseuds/definitelynotafan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a year and Niall still hasn't spoken to Zayn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Niall

Niall’s hands shake as he lets his finger hover over the call button. It’s nothing new, he has been in this situation countless of times. Every once in a while he had even managed to call but had always hung up before there had been an answer.

The display is blurry in front of his eyes and maybe he shouldn’t have had the last couple of shots but otherwise he would never have made it through the whole song. In a way it is pathetic he thinks, having to be drunk to listen to your former mate’s song. At it’s not even the first time. Niall had gone through this ritual every time Zayn had released a song in the last couple of weeks. The other boys don't know. As far as Niall knows neither Harry nor Louis had listened to any of the songs. Liam had of course. But the subject of Zayn and his music still is a sore subject and is usually not addressed. Niall likes to imagine it as a cloud that hovers over all of them, pressing down but no one is mentioning it. If Niall really wanted to he could talk to Liam about it. He doesn’t even know why he keeps pretending he never listened to the songs. No one would judge him. Well, not really.

The reason for wanting to listen it tonight had been simple. They had all hung out at Harry’s place in LA.  Nothing fancy just FIFA and a few cold beers. Proper lads afternoon. Niall had shown some of his holiday pictures and Louis had fallen asleep with his head in Harry’s lap while Harry had played with his hair. It was nice. Until Liam had received a call and had left the terrace to answer it. They all knew what it meant. Liam only leaves the room to talk to Zayn. Niall had felt Harry’s eyes burning into him but he had purposefully looked away. After almost a whole year Harry was still worried about Niall. When Liam had returned the mood had changed. You could have cut the tension with a knife.

“So… uhm … I’m gonna take off in like half an hour if that’s okay.” Liam had rubbed the back of his head nervously. They all knew why he was leaving. He didn’t need to say anything.

Harry had scoffed before turning his head back to Louis.

When Liam had looked at Niall, Niall had given him a small smile.

“Have fun then.” Niall had meant it.

“You know …” Liam had looked at him with a soft expression and Niall knew what was coming. It wasn’t the first time. “You could just ...  come.”

The thing is that in a way Niall really wanted to come. More than anything he wanted to see Zayn again. But going with Liam now would ruin the whole fantasy he had made up in his mind. The fantasy where everything was alright and Zayn had not left to do something else. Niall had shut out all the memories and had lived in denial. If he tried his hardest he could almost make himself believe that there had never been a fifth member to their band. Almost. It probably was more than unhealthy and maybe that is the reason he had to be drunk to even listen to the songs.

“Not tonight.” He had been saying that for the past six months.

“Sure.” Liam had still smiled.

The mood hadn’t gotten better even after Liam had left and it had been Louis’ idea to have some shots. At some point all three of them would need to deal with it but tonight, apparently, was not that night. Harry and Louis had gone to bed shortly after midnight. Louis had a flight to catch in the morning and Harry would drive him to the airport. Of course he would.

Niall had continued sitting outside and after a while curiosity had gotten the best of him. He needed to know, needed to hear the song. After taking three shots in rapid succession he had put in his headphones and opened Spotify.

_Hey, what’s up? It’s been a while._

That it had been. In the beginning Niall, had promised to call. He had told Zayn that he just needed some time. With every passing day it had gotten harder and harder to call and when Zayn had finally called Niall had been too embarrassed to answer. After a while the calls stopped.

Niall had listened to the song five time before it had gotten too much. It was good, like the other two. It’s not like had expected it to be bad. Niall had always known that Zayn was madly talented. He deserved all the success he was having now.

That’s how Niall ended up where he is now, drunk with his phone in his hand, hovering over the call button. Niall doesn’t even know what he would say, doesn’t know if Zayn would even pick up. Who knows where he is right now? Liam is probably still with him.

Niall sighs before barking out a laugh. A year ago he had sat on some hotel balcony, phone in hand hovering over the same call button. After weeks and weeks of confusion he had finally thought he had figured it out. Figured out why he had always felt this kind of pull whenever Zayn was near. Why he had gotten nervous whenever Zayn had held his stare before flashing him that brilliant smile of his. Someone else might have figured it out early but Niall had never felt that way before, not that he was aware of. And now that he knew what he wanted, he needed Zayn to know. That’s what he told himself. Niall didn’t know if and when he would ever feel that way again and he need to let Zayn know.

Niall never called and couple of days later Zayn left. So there was that.

He is over that. He is. Mostly. Hearing Zayn’s voice in his head just made him feel things he had been denying himself for a long time now and every time he sees a picture of Zayn his heart remembers.

Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was Niall himself but he actually presses call and holds the phone to his ear. There is barely even time for the first beep before…

“’ello?”

Niall’s heart stops.

“Hello? Is this a joke?”

It’s been almost a year. Zayn sounds exactly the same as Niall remembers. Of course he does. Why wouldn’t he?

“Fuck off.”

The call ends and Niall cannot believe it. He had heard Zayn’s voice. Over the phone, yes, but not on tape or in a song. He should have said something. Anything. But in the moment he had been so overwhelmed with all the different emotions. Maybe subconsciously he had hoped that Zayn wouldn’t even pick up. Just like Niall had never picked up.

Vibrations rip Niall out of his thoughts again. For a split second he thinks Zayn had called him back. Then he sees the text message.

 **Zayn:** _N_ _iall, you need to stop that. It’s been a year. It's too much._

 


	2. Zayn

Zayn stares at his phone for a long moment before pocketing it again. Niall had read the message, he could see, but as always there is no answer whatsoever. It had cooled down quite a bit since this afternoon but Zayn is sure that the shiver running down his spine had nothing to do with the cold and everything to do with Niall’s call. He hadn’t even believed his eyes when he had looked at the caller ID. _Niall_. It’s been a while since Niall had tried to call him and even longer since he had tried to call Niall. In the end, Zayn had to stop because the rejection he had felt had gotten too much. Yes, he had made some mistakes and the situation was fucked up but at some point he knew he had to stop chasing his forgiveness and move on. It isn’t healthy. It isn’t fair, what Niall is doing. Liam had been the first one to call, not even a month after Zayn had left really. They had talked it out and just like that they had been best mates again. Had it been easy? No, not at all. They had needed to learn how to be friends outside of the band, had needed to find a way to live with all that had happened and not let that come between them. Harry and Louis’ approach to the situation had been to not call at all. Even that had been easier to deal with than Niall’s uncertainty. If Niall had just decided that he would never forgive Zayn, then well, this is something he could deal with. He could have moved on. But the calls… that was what got to him. They were a constant reminder of what he had once had and could never have again. Every time Zayn thought he had gotten over it all, Niall would call and hang up again. Like a shimmer of hope. So far, it proved to be false hope every time.

Liam comes back outside, flopping down onto the lounge chair next to him. He hands one of the beers in his hands over before stopping to look at Zayn with a puzzled expression.

“What’s up? You look … sad, mate.”

Zayn opens his beer and takes a long sip before answering. He blames the alcohol for his honesty. He probably shouldn’t even say anything to Liam, not wanting to put him in a difficult position.

“Niall called.”

“Niall?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

Zayn sighs again.

“Just now. While you were getting the beers.”

“Oh.” Liam keeps looking at Zayn. They never talk about the rest of the band. It was just easier that way. Zayn didn’t ask and Liam didn’t tell. Zayn always felt that it was a sore topic for Liam as well. He was the only one talking to him and he can only imagine how awkward this was for him.

“What did he say?” It’s a hesitant question. Liam doesn’t want to intrude but at the same time he had always been curious.

“Nothing.” Zayn says before almost whispering “As always.”

Liam’s head perks up.

“You mean he called before?”

“Yeah. Keeps calling every couple of months actually. Always at night. Never long enough for me to pick up and never picking up when I call back.”

“I didn’t know that.”

Silence falls over them again. Not an easy silence, the way it usually is between them. Zayn can actually feel the restless energy Liam is giving off, squirming in his seat, sending questioning looks over.

“Say it. Whatever it is, just … say it.”

“Remember the thing you told me right before you left? About Niall? Do you … I mean … Still?”

“Still, yeah.”

“Oh.”

“I sent a text, told him he needs to stop calling. But …”

“… you don’t want him to stop calling.” Liam finishes the sentence for him.

“No.”

“I know we never talk about them and there is a good reason but … when I left … them … tonight Niall smiled and told me to have fun. He doesn’t have that … that look to his face anymore. I … actually asked him to come tonight ... He needs time but I think, he will call again. For real.”

Zayn just nods, not knowing what to do with that information. The way Liam had said ‘them’ stuck in his mind. _Them_ used to mean all five of them. A happy place.

“I just can’t … not anymore. I need to know, once and for all.”

Liam lets out a long sigh. Sighing seems to be a thing they do these days.

“He’s staying at Harry’s for another couple of days. Louis has a flight at 8 and Harry will drive him to the airport.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Niall will be alone at Harry's place... Do what you want with that information.”

Liam gets up and walks into the house, leaving Zayn along with his thoughts once again.


	3. Niall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took forever!  
> But here it is and I'm really proud of how it turned out. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

The doorbell wakes Niall up way too early for his linking. His head hurts more than he would like to admit. When did he start have hangovers? For a moment he thinks about just ignoring the door but Harry would probably kill him for letting whoever it is standing outside. Harry is the sort of person who would let a fan into his house, make them a cup of tea before lecturing them about privacy.  He is too nice for his own good. While throwing on some sweatpants which might belong to Harry, or Louis – who even knows with those two – Niall remembers that Liam wanted to come over again after his workout. The idiot probably forgot his key again. Not bothering with a shirt Niall almost crawls towards the front door. Maybe Liam had thought about bringing breakfast; real breakfast, not that healthy stuff Harry keeps in his LA fridge. Sometimes Niall wonders how different LA Harry and London Harry actually are. It’s like the sun is not good for his head, making him go on juice cleanses and shit. Who even does that?

Niall’s eyes are only halfway open when he turns the key and opens the door.

“Mate, I thought Harry gave you key for a reason.” He grumbles.

“Hello Niall.”

For a second Niall’s heart stops before it picks up again at a rapid pace. He knows that voice. He used to know that voice he should say.

“Zayn.” That all he manages – one word – his voice too high and too weak to really sound like him. Suddenly Niall is very aware of his shirtless self. It really should not matter. Zayn had seen him in all kind of stages of undress before, that came with living on a tour bus for half the time thee knew each other. Zayn probably knew every mole, every scar, every inch of his body. Niall knows that he knows all those details about Zayn’s body.

“Hello.” Zayn repeats, the accent strong in just that single word.

It’s been a while since Niall had heard Zayn talk; if you don’t count that telephone conversation the night before. Sure, he had listened to the songs but Niall had never quite managed to listen to the interviews. He had read pieces of it and he had seen some of if it on Twitter but Niall had never managed to actually listen to Zayn talking about how happy he is. There is a small part of Niall that is bitter about the fact that Zayn in happier now than he was in the band. Just a small part of him that hoped Zayn would be as miserable as Niall is, as they all kind of are. Niall hates that part of him but he can’t deny that it exists. For a long time, longer than he would ever admit, he had hoped that Zayn would come back. Not matter how angry he was, he had always hoped that one day Zayn would beg the, to be allowed to come back. They had never talked about it but something tells Niall that they would all welcome him back. Liam himself said it once to a pap at the airport. Louis had shaken his head when he had seen the clip but Niall knows that he Louis is just too proud to admit that he is hurting.

They are still standing at the doorstep, both just looking at each other.

“Can I come in? I want to talk to you.”

The way Zayn asked the question Niall knows that he wouldn’t make a big fuss if Niall said “no” and just leave. But he is right, of course. They should talk. They should have talked weeks, if not months ago.

“Could have just called me.” Niall answers but moves out of the doorframe to let Zayn in. Without looking back to see whether Zayn is following them he walks into the living room. A shirt is lying on the armrest of one of the couches and Niall throws it on. Batman. Must be Liam’s then.

“Do you want anything? Tea, coffee water?”

Harry would have his head if he hadn’t offered.

“No, thank you. I won’t be long.” Zayn sighs. “There are just some things I need to say. I probably should have said them a year ago. But I’m doing it now.”

Niall nods but heads into the kitchen anyway. He needs a cup of tea before he would be able to listen to what Zayn had to say. He makes Zayn a cup as well. The arrival of Zayn made him forget about is head but now the pulsing is back as bad it had been when he woke up. Niall quickly prepares tea for him and for Zayn as well.

Niall can’t quite place the expression on Zayn’s face when he comes back into the living room. It reminds him just how much has changed, he used to be able to read Zayn like a book. But that was a long time ago. With a sigh Niall sits down on next to Zayn, still keeping his distance. In a way everything feels surreal. This is the closest the two of them had been since the final hug when Zayn had left. Niall is hit by the scent of _Zayn._ His heart is beating wild in his chest. So wild that Niall is convinced that Zayn must be able to hear it. There is something familiar about the way Zayn smells, of course there is. It reminds Niall of nights spent on the tour bus, his face buried in Zayn’s neck. He had always slept better cuddling with Zayn than he had while cuddling with anyone else in the band.

Zayn takes a sip of his tea, the smile forming on his face telling Niall that he got it right. At least some things don’t change Niall thinks. He can’t help but wonders what else about Zayn is still the same and what is different.

“Why are you here Zayn?”

“To talk to you.”

“You told me to stop calling you just yesterday.”

Niall can feel Zayn gaze on him but can’t bring himself to look up from his hands. Maybe he is a coward but he is sure that he would not be able to do this while looking into Zayn’s eyes.

“I told you to stop calling and not saying anything.

I–” Zayn sighs. A lot of sighing seems to be going on these days. “I want to talk to you. But you have to understand.” Zayn reaches over for one of Niall’s hands. Niall should not hitch a breath, these kind of gestures should feel familiar to him, they used to be normal. But nothing about this situation is normal in any way. With Niall’s hand in his, Zayn continues speaking.

“You don’t know how much it hurts every time you call and hang up. I always get so hopeful for a second or two before you smash me down again.”

“I don’t–” Niall starts but Zayn shushed him.

“I know you don’t mean to and obviously you struggle too. But I can’t do this anymore. I have to tell you. Maybe then you will understand. I was always scared of how much the rejection would hurt but this is so much worse, I know that now.”

When Niall looks up, there is a tear in Zayn’s eye. Something deep inside of him twists in a painful way at the sight of that. Zayn was never the one to cry. Harry, sure, he used to cry at the smallest of things. Louis, too, would cry if he was really desperate or the movie really sad. Even Liam would shed a tear of frustration from time to time. But never Zayn. While he might not have that sunny smiling image, Niall cannot remember if he had ever seen Zayn cry.

“Niall, I need to you promise me that after hearing me out, you have to make a decision. You have to choose whether you want to talk to me or not. But I can’t go on like this. Please, this is all I ask of you.”

Niall just nods, in fear of his voice breaking. His own tears are close to spilling over.

“I know what you told me, about how you don’t fall in love and I kept this from you for so long because I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable but I need to tell you.” Zayn’s voice cracks the same moment Niall’s tears fall down his cheeks. “I love you, Niall. I do. I fell in love with you and there is nothing I can do about it. I’m so–” Zayn takes a deep breath. “I’m so sorry.”

Niall withdraws his hands from Zayn’s grip. Zayn shoulders hunch, a sob erupts from his chest. The next moment Niall throws his arms around Zayn, shifting around on the couch to make it at least somewhat comfortable. He needs Zayn to know how he feels but right now he knows he would not get the words out. This is all he can do.

For a while everything that can be heard in the room are the sobs and sniffles coming from the two of them. Niall is the first one to draw back, putting his hands on either side of Zayn’s face, forcing Zayn to look at him.

“I think,” Niall stops to gather his words. “I feel something too. I could never really place the feeling. I never felt like this before. It’s been like this for a while.”

Zayn opens his mouth, then closes it again.

“I wanted to tell you. Then you left and … I don’t know. I never was brave enough.”

“Where does that leave us?”

 _Good question_ , Niall thinks. Since he never had been in love before, his experiences in these sort of matters were rather limited. However, there was one thing he does want to try.

“Zayn, I don’t know how else to ask you this so I’m just gonna say it. Can I kiss you?”

For the first time since he arrived, a real smile spreads across Zayn’s face.

“Of course you can.”

So Niall does. It’s a short kiss, barley last for even a minute. Zayn lets Niall take the lead, not pushing for anything and Niall is grateful. His kissing practice is very limited and he would rather not remember the tongue that had been shoved down his throat that time. This is different now. Zayn’s lips are as soft as they look, the firm pressure they put on Niall’s own lips feel just right. Niall uses the tip of his tongue to trace the bottom lip. When Zayn opens his mouth and their tongues meet for the first time, something that feels very similar to electricity runs through Niall’s body. Again, he is the first one to pull back.

“That was … nice.” Niall smiles.

A wholehearted laugh rips out of Zayn’s body as a reply.

“Nice, yes.”

They beam at each other, not saying a word and Niall thinks he gets Harry and Louis for the first time. Sometimes, there is no need for words.

They are interrupted by the front door opening and Harry entering the living room. The surprise of seeing Zayn in his house is written all over his face. Niall feels a bit like a teenager that has been caught making out by a parent.

“I have to say, I would never have guessed to see you here.”

Zayn wipes a half dried tear from his face before turning to face Harry. “Sorry, I was about to leave. I’ll be gone in a second.”

Harry sighs.

“No, you don’t have to leave. Whatever you two were talking about, it looks like it’s important.” Harry smiles for a moment before continuing. “And then, when you are finished, I feel like we need to talk too. It’s long overdue.” He blushes. “If you want, that is. I have no right to ask you anything of you.”

“I would very much like to talk to you, Harry. But right now I am emotionally drained. How about you call me tonight and we meet up some time this week? Surely, a few more days won’t change a thing.”

Niall walks Zayn to the door. He needs a bit more privacy for a moment longer.

“I know this doesn’t fix everything, Zayn. There is so much more we need to talk about.”

“There is.” Zayn agrees.

“I’m staying a couple of days more. Maybe we could get dinner sometimes? And talk?”

“Niall, are you asking me out?” Zayn chuckles nervously.

“I am. There is a first time for everything, I guess.”

“I would love to go out with you.”

“Great.”

“Great.”

Zayn steps forward to drop a kiss to Niall’s cheek, then he leaves.

Niall finds Harry waiting for him in the living room, one brow arched in question.

“Is there something you would like to tell me, Niall?”

And with a smile, Niall does tell him everything. This might not fix everything and it certainly will not erase all the hurt and frustration from the past year but for the first time Niall feels just a tad lighter. He and Zayn will find a way to make it work. Niall is sure of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all my readers for being so patient and lovely.  
> This has been so much fun and I'm proud that I finally finished something lol.
> 
> As always, feel free to comment and leave kudos.
> 
> If anyone wants to contact me.  
> Twitter: @definitelynofan  
> Tumblr: definitely-not-a-fan.tumblr.com
> 
> Thank you so much! x


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